Summary of Pathwork Lecture #090:
Moralizing — Disproportionate Reactions — Needs
For a deeper, more rewarding experience of these teachings, consult the Lecture itself, available free of charge at: http://www.pathwork.org/lectures/P090.PDF
(Summarizer’s note: Some of the material from the questions and answers has been integrated into the main part of the summary to avoid repetition.)
Apart from negative emotions, we will also discover on the path a variety of universally-occurring conditions of the psyche.
(1) Moralizing: Whether or not it appears on the surface, we all have a tendency to moralize — with ourselves as well as with others. Moralizing, i.e., seeing things in “black and white” terms and generalizing about the whole based on partial aspects, is a natural result of holding ourselves to the high standards encompassed by the idealized self-image (ISI). We would do well to GET IN TOUCH with our moralizing tendency, as opposed to merely understanding it theoretically.
While it is well and good to have general rules of conduct, it is destructive to reject one’s self for having inevitable negative feelings and attitudes. When our “right” conduct is motivated by the fear of not being perfect, it is compulsive, unconvincing and ineffectual. Whenever we adhere to ready-made rules in order to avoid making the deeper connection to self which the evaluation of reality often requires (because we do not trust ourselves), we are moralizing. Unfortunately, the fact that such rules are inadequate makes us insecure, and this fuels a vicious cycle by giving us even less reason for self-confidence. The more we fear our negativity, the more we intensely we deny it and invest in the moral superstructure, leading to rejection of and alienation from the self, and to rigidity, fear and intolerance, which we often project onto others. Neither acting our without restraint nor living according to rigid rules is a workable substitute for doing the work which will help us grow out of our destructive impulses. It is important to OBSERVE our negative tendencies without allowing ourselves to form an exaggeratedly negative picture of ourselves based on our emotional reaction to what we observe. Trying to sweep our negative trends away, or make them disappear by ignoring them, is futile. The only solution is to learn to ACCEPT ourselves in spite of our negativities, and in spite of the fact that we don’t always really know what the right thing to do is in any particular situation.
(2) Disproportionate reactions: Whether or not it shows on the surface, we all have a tendency to react with disproportionate intensity to certain experiences, including the emotional states of ourselves and others. This is based on a polarized, black-and-white view of the world. For instance, we may react to a compliment with a sense that all is well with us (that we are living up to our ISI), while reacting to criticism with a sense that we are irretrievably bad, or at least that we are viewed that way. The challenge to doing this work is that we normally compensate for these reactions with the perspective of our informed common sense, suppressing or displacing the origin of our feelings, and thus the reactions are difficult to detect.
To the extent that we resist accepting criticism, we are caught up in our perfectionistic ideals regarding our selves. We would do well to relax these ideals, ALLOW our true feelings to surface, and OBSERVE them without trying to alter them. This will bring us to self-acceptance, which in turn will bring us to self-confidence, because we will no longer denying the reality of our human fallibility. We will be able to accept criticism flexibly, using it as an opportunity to learn about self and others. From this more open and relaxed center, we will be able to perceive reality more clearly, and this to will engender greater confidence in self.
(3) Mismanagement of needs: If we are unable to meet one of our genuine emotional needs, it is because some aspect of our capacity to do so is paralyzed. The unfulfillment of genuine emotional needs leads to the appearance of exaggerated or illusory needs, which are discernible by their excessive and compulsive force. For instance, if we disapprove of ourselves, this will lead to an exaggerated need for the approval of others. The first step in sorting this out is to BECOME AWARE of our genuine needs, which is an emotional rather than intellectual process. When we recognize an unfulfilled need, we would do well to ACCEPT that we may feel frustration for a time, with a mature understanding that non-fulfillment is not the abyss, rather than pressing on some level for an immediate resolution. From a childish point of view, unfulfillment is misunderstood as (1) being permanent and (2) proving our imperfection. However, change will come as we focus on understanding why and how we have caused our own unfulfillment.
Questions and Answers:
While contrived or forced “goodness” produces moralizing which others rebel against, real goodness never has this effect on others.
Acceptance of our negative aspects does not mean acting them out. As we develop, we will take on prevailing moral codes as truly our own, so that they are flexibly and intuitively alive within us, rather than rejecting them or following them rigidly and intellectually.
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